Crap end to a rough week

This week has been particularly rough. Kid had a rough day yesterday, and my day yesterday was made rough by that on top of work stuff.

Today I could hardly focus, and as of 6pm, my computer decided to fuck up. It's behaving a lot like the one we eventually had to return, except that one was within the 30 day window and this one I've had almost 2 months.

On the one hand, I finally figured out what might be causing it, but it's rebooting every 10 minutes or less making it impossible to troubleshoot. And had to reset windows which means that my files are intact but I need to install every other fucking thing.

I'm in tears tonight over this. The kid consoled me with hugs and was understanding that I wasn't feeling talkative tonight. Moments like that make me feel I've done something right with parenting. 

But I'm stressed and sad and frustrated so husband took over and told me to go to sleep. So i will after brain dumping here.

Oh and to make my day more awesome, it's period starting day, which means I'll probably have shit-tastic cramps tomorrow. 

Tired

I'm so exhausted right now. The kid had a rough day yesterday because they miss their friends. I had a rough day because they had a rough day, and because things seemed to be particularly a pain in the ass at work. 

Everything has felt like a fight with the kid lately. Getting work done (which now has a rule that every argument means 5 minutes less of video game time, because I'm so fucking sick of it). The violin, which they were so excited to get months ago, is now a chore that they never want to do, even with me. The kid can't commit to anything, and it's frustrating. Basically doesn't want to do anything where they can't 100% set all the rules.

• Wanted to do soccer, played one season, then dropped out after like the 2nd practice the 2nd season. Has occasionally whined to do it again, but was miserable to deal with in getting to practices for the end of the 1st season and beginning of 2nd, so...yeah, no.
  
  
• Enjoyed swimming, but doesn't want to try doing anything that involves getting face wet (won't even TRY)
  
  
• Was super excited to try violin and/or trumpet. We gave them a choice of one (and I said that we could revisit possibly doing both after they showed commitment). It hasn't even been a full year, and they never practice at home (rarely, if I'm also doing it, but I practice more than they do), and now wants a trumpet. My foot is down on that one, as much as I'd love them to have music be a huge part of their lives. They want a trumpet, they need to show that they can work on it first, so they need to prove with the violin. 

I can hardly focus today. It's at least quiet enough that I should be working on the major task that I can hardly ever do for work, and I'm having trouble bringing myself to do it right now. 

I'm just so fucking tired right now. 

Day...who the fuck knows

Summary of the evening:

Child *gets upset that they can only have a little candy*

Family *watches Mandalorian*

Child *throws fit that they can't run around before storytime*

Child *argues about washing after saying there's something sticky on them*

Child *sobs in room because storytime is cancelled due to ongoing attitude of all night.*

Happy fucking Monday.

42nd...43rd? Day

I'm not really sure which it is at this point. We'll say 43, as I think I miscounted when I said the 14th was day 33.

I've been on "vacation" from work this week and the kid is on spring break,as they chose to keep the scheduled break in our district (which I think is good. Teachers, parents, and kids no doubt need the break of not trying to run things right now). The week has gone by way too fast, and I'm not looking forward to going back to working from home next week.

School is officially not going back to in person this year, so there's that. Which means until mid-June, the kid is doing remote learning. Which means until mid-June, someone will be working from home, even if things try to reopen (though at this point, I wonder if it will).

Kid loves remote learning and the greater flexibility. I wish that husband and I didn't both have to work, because I think if I could stay home and focus on helping them learn, it would be more enriching to them than public school, and we'd find some way to keep them connected with kids/friends. However, with both of us working, I just don't have the time or energy usually. I am barely mustering the energy to push them through their work (and maybe a bit of added enrichment) while I'm trying to get my work done.

We've been meeting with friends via Zoom and Facebook chats, and I got to see some friends that I haven't seen visually in years (aside from whatever Facebook pics they share.

I've spent this week starting to work through my video game backlog, playing the shortest games first. I literally have an Excel spreadsheet going to track my game completion. Because I'm a dork.

Hoping it'll be nice enough to sit outside for a bit today. After I get the sheets in the wash, because having a heavy period really sucks sometimes. (most of the time.)

33 days

Cranky, teary, and exhausted today. Snapped at the kid more than probably warranted, even given their attitude today. 

Dealt with no internet for half the day, got work done by USB tethering. 

Learned husband's "cloths left in shower" limit seems to be 4. They were cleaned up the other day and now two new ones are in there. I pick up mine and make kid pick up theirs, but I'm so done picking his up after asking him to. The basket is right there, and I run them through the sanitizer cycle so sitting in the towels a bit damp for a day is better than repeated soaking in shower. 

I need my vacation, even if I'll still be stuck at home. 

A month in

It's day 31 and today was Easter. There was a modest basket for the kid and the usual egg hunt. We had a ham dinner, though I'm sad I didn't get my usual boiled dinner with my parents. Husband tried to get a turnip, but what came home was definitely more radish-y and not at all like the boiled dinner turnip.

If I lose my mind during this, it's going to be the little things. Not getting sufficient quiet time to myself (at least when I work I get my commute and some office hours of quiet). It'll be the fact that I asked my husband to wring out the cloths he uses and put them in the dirty laundry instead of leaving them in the tub (I've stopped picking his up and there's currently 3 in the tub...). Or the fact that since all this started, my husband hasn't done any laundry and has done dishes maybe twice...and even when the dishwasher is ready for dirty dishes, I find dirty dishes get piled on the sink anyway. 

Husband cooks most nights and does the once a week shopping, but lunches are always I get me and kid squared. Often I'll try to include his food if he's hungry and I can toss it with ours.  But lunch is never offered to me, and he gets kid's lunch only of I tell him I can't at the moment due to a work thing.

And for grocery shopping, he'll often come back with sweets for himself, and also got the kid's Easter stuff, but if I don't specifically ask for something, I don't get it. 

Just feeling stressed, overworked, and underappreciated,  I guess.

25 Days

I'm tired. Emotions are high. Husband just got really upset with me because we were talking about toilet paper and bidets and how we want a bidet, and where to plug it in. Our only bathroom outlet is behind the water taps for the sink, so I suggested when we can get an electrician in, maybe they could move or put an outlet in a space that is closer to the toilet so the bidet plug wouldn't need to hang over the sink. He said there was probably some way to run it down behind, and I was trying to understand what he meant and asked for clarification and he just kind of went off on me saying I don't let things go. I wasn't even in an argumentative mood and literally just wanted to know what he meant. He was in tears over it because the conversation frustrated him. I apparently sighed when we hugged, and so he snapped for me to not sigh at him and how I always sigh at him and never talk about my feelings.

The last part is a bit true, mostly because the last time I had really big feelings that I did discuss he got to the point of saying I was just talking in circles and saying the same things over and over again. Which is literally what I do when I am talking about feelings. So I guess I've stopped. For years. Because I just talk in circles and don't let things go.

And somehow, since we've all been home, I'm the only one who does all of the laundry, including changing the sheets. Husband has been doing the usual dinner cooking and has gotten up to change kiddo's sheets in the night when it's been needed, but I feel like the rest of the cleaning has defaulted to me, seeing as the only time the floor has been swept, the table washed, and the bed sheets on our bed changed, the laundry done, or the dishes done, are when I've been arsed to do them. On days that I've been too tired to run laundry, none's gotten done, even when there's been a full basket. And there's never been a day I don't do the dishes at least once, if not twice, because once they get piled on the sink they bother me faster than they bother anyone else.

I even offered to do the no-sew quick face mask for husband for him to go to the grocery store, and was basically told if I'm going to do it sew a proper one, but I don't even have any cloth, and why not just use a quick version for the store when you're leaving in like 5 minutes and I know how to do it?

So, today's a pretty crappy morning, and I feel crappy, and it's Sunday and I don't want to work tomorrow, or this week, and I need a vacation and I need to just be alone for a bit.